Getting divorced is usually an emotional, soul-searching experience. Along the way, both parties may act in ways that seem out of character. They might fight over the smallest of details in their settlement agreement; they might lash out at one another passive-aggressively, using their children as pawns; they might actively look for ways to make life miserable for each other.
Such behavior never contributes positively to the divorce process. Rather, it inflames an already-volatile situation and makes it more difficult to create a settlement agreement that is satisfactory to both spouses.
The good news is that your divorce doesn’t have to be that difficult. While the facts surrounding your marriage may complicate drafting a settlement, there are a number of ways to streamline the process. This article will present several divorce do’s and don’ts. They will reduce your stress, help you to maintain a civil relationship with your spouse, and lower the overall cost of your divorce.
Do Hire An Experienced Divorce Attorney
It is possible to dissolve your marriage without legal representation. Many couples take this route with the assumption that hiring lawyers is unnecessary. The appropriate paperwork can be found online. Once it is completed, it can be filed with the court after meeting certain state requirements.
But having the ability to file for divorce without an attorney’s help doesn’t mean doing so is a good option. At the very least, both parties would be well-served having their respective lawyers review their settlement agreement. Ideally, each person should retain an attorney to protect his or her rights during the settlement negotiations.
Don’t Accept Advice From Friends And Family Members
Friends and family members have a tendency to offer advice when they learn that a loved one is getting divorced. Sometimes, the advice is sound (e.g. “don’t use your kids as pawns”). Other times, it is inappropriate and even legally questionable (e.g. “you should drain your joint checking account without telling your husband/wife”).
Accept comfort from your loved ones. But think twice before acting on their recommendations. If you have questions regarding whether a specific action is permitted, run it by your attorney.
Do Negotiate Honestly
Many married couples hide things from one another while negotiating the terms of their settlement. Some assume that full disclosure will give them less leverage at the negotiating table. Others fear that their spouses are hiding things, and try to compensate by responding in kind.
Unfortunately, many people take this same approach when communicating with their attorneys. They withhold information about their assets or neglect to mention pertinent details that would otherwise prove useful during the settlement negotiations.
Be upfront with your attorney and your spouse. If you have undisclosed assets, disclose them. A resourceful lawyer will eventually find them anyway. Also, keep in mind that your own attorney can best protect your rights if he or she is fully informed.
Don’t Get Married Until Your Divorce Is Finalized
Not only is it illegal to be married to two people at the same time, but it can aggravate the relationship you share with your future ex-spouse. Remember, divorce is already an emotional affair. Bringing another relationship into the situation is likely to further embitter your spouse, and needlessly complicate resolving disputes over settlement terms.
Do Make Copies Of All Financial Documents
Most settlement disputes revolve around money and assets. For example, the divorcing couple may disagree on how their marital assets should be split, whether alimony should be paid, and how much child support is appropriate. It is important to have quick access to financial documents that reflect your finances and those of your spouse.
Gather and make copies of your bank statements, credit card statements, and tax returns. Photocopy deeds to your home and other property. Make copies of life insurance policies, retirement account statements, and pay stubs.
These documents will prove instrumental when discussing the terms of your divorce settlement. Don’t assume you’ll be able to access them when needed down the road. Take steps now to ensure you can do so.
Don’t Assume You Need To Go To Court
A majority of divorce cases can be easily handled outside the court system, even when the parties disagree on numerous matters related to their settlement. Unfortunately, many couples are quick to rely on a judge to settle their differences.
Going to trial carries a considerable cost due to attorney fees and court fees. Cases can drag on for months with the spouses fighting tooth and nail, pushing the cost of their divorce into the tens of thousands of dollars. For most couples, taking disputes to a judge is unnecessary. They can settle matters more quickly and at lower cost by working together privately with their help of their attorneys.
To summarize, divorces are often made more difficult by the couples themselves. One of the most important steps you can take is to consult an experienced family law attorney about your case. He or she can answer questions and provide advice on getting through your divorce smoothly at minimal cost.