If you and your spouse are recently divorced and have children together, you may have visitation rights. Visitation is an opportunity to spend time with your kids, and strengthen the bonds you share with them. It’s a chance to remain connected to them despite being separated from them by your divorce.
In order for visitation to be successful, divorced mothers and fathers must work together to help their children transition between their respective homes. The smoother the transition, the better. Unfortunately, a number of factors can easily derail the effort. One or both parents’ jealousy, deceitfulness, and attempts to influence the feelings of their kids can cause ill feelings to grow between all parties.
It’s important to avoid such nonsense and instead acknowledge that children can benefit greatly by having both parents in their lives. With that in mind, read on for several suggestions on making the most of your visitation with your kids.
Allow Some Flexibility In Your Visitation Schedule
It’s tempting to want to maintain a strict pick-up and drop-off schedule with your ex-spouse. You may even be inclined to refuse to make small changes to accommodate other demands on his or her time. Avoid being too strict and unyielding. Occasionally, events occur that require flexibility.
For example, your ex’s car might break down; she may be stuck in a meeting that has gone overly long; or, he might be caught in traffic. Sporadic issues like these can be frustrating when they happen, but nearly impossible to avoid. Having said that, if your ex is habitually late or fails to show up entirely, it may be time to discuss ways to prevent the problem from recurring down the road.
Don’t Focus On Being The “Fun” Or “Generous” Parent
It may also be tempting to entertain your children during visitation – to become the “fun” parent in a bid to buy their affection. For example, you might take your kids to the movies, out to dinner, and to baseball games whenever you spend time with them. There is nothing wrong with doing these things occasionally. But oftentimes, divorced parents do them on a regular basis, and eventually spoil their children.
Young people benefit from normalcy in their daily lives. They also benefit from spending time with their parents regardless of the activities they engage in. Enjoying dinner together, talking to one another, and playing board games can strengthen bonds as well – and even better – than treating them to major outings.
Try To Make Your Home Comfortable For Your Child
Your child is not merely coming to your home to visit you. Your home is essentially his or her second home. Try to make it seem as much. For example, if you have an extra bedroom, set it aside for your son or daughter. Let your child take ownership of it, decorating or designing the interior as he or she wants. Having a room to call his or her own will help your child to feel more comfortable during visits.
Also, let your child know that he or she has your permission to use anything (within reason) in your home. That includes your computer, television, DVD player, and bathroom. At the same time, inform him or her that you expect the home to be kept clean. If your child makes a mess, require that it be cleaned up.
Maintain A Normal Schedule
As noted earlier, you’ll naturally want to schedule fun activities to do when your kids are visiting. After all, you want them to enjoy themselves while at your home and look forward to future visits. But it is important to keep a relatively normal schedule. Young people tend to thrive on a routine that guides how they spend their time.
For example, eat breakfast and dinner at the same times each day. If you watch television, do so during certain hours, and turn the TV off otherwise. If you usually address household chores on certain days of the week, continue to do so. Even better, enlist your kids’ help. It’s also a good idea to give your children space to do their own thing at home. Let them use the computer while you read, or use the phone while you watch television.
Ultimately, you want your kids to view your home as their own rather than as a playground, camp, or travel destination. Only then will your visitation with them allow you to continue being the parent they need and want in their lives. Getting divorced does not have to mean the relationships you share with your kids must suffer.