A person considering divorce has likely thought about it for a long time. He or she may wonder if it is the right course of action, especially if the marriage has lasted for several years. In addition, the individual may worry regarding what his or her spouse’s reaction will be.
It’s a decision that can have huge consequences, good or bad, that last a lifetime. It is not to be taken lightly. In this article, we’ll discuss six items to think about before filing for divorce. There are, of course, many others things to take into account. But the following considerations are among the most important.
#1 – Make A Sound Decision
Few marriages end because of a single incident. In most cases, the demise of a marriage is akin to death by a thousand cuts. There may be resentments, an infidelity, untruths, and and myriad unresolved hurts.
Set aside time to think things through. Seek counseling for yourself, and talk to a few people you trust. By not jumping into a divorce, you’ll be more confident that you are making the right decision.
#2 – Find The Right Attorney
If your estranged spouse is willing, you may want to take the “collaborative divorce” route. This is a relatively recent trend in divorce law where both parties share an attorney, a social worker, and an accountant.
It is a cheaper, faster, kinder way of splitting up. It avoids ending the experience with one “winner” and one “loser.” It’s important to realize that some people are unwilling or incapable of cooperating. In such cases, you may need to retain your own attorney and undergo a more adversarial dissolution proceeding.
#3 – Mediation
Prior to appearing in front of a judge, you may be required to meet with a court mediator. This individual sits down with you and your estranged spouse and attempts to lock down the details of a divorce settlement. Resolving your case at this level can help avoid litigation, and thus save thousands of dollars in legal fees.
#4 – Secure Your Funding
In order to hire an attorney, you will likely need to pay a retainer fee. Depending on the legal professional and his or her approach to divorce law, this fee can range from $1,500 to $5,000. (Most attorneys accept credit cards.) He or she will deduct fees and expenses from this fund until it is depleted. It’s a good idea to fund the retainer fee funded prior to informing your spouse about the divorce.
Not everyone can afford to hire a divorce lawyer. If that describes your situation, you can hire a paralegal to prepare the paperwork, and file the papers yourself. There are myriad books and websites that explain how to file for a dissolution of marriage. At the court, there will be an information and assistance officer who can steer you through the process.
Having said the above, if you believe you and your spouse are able to pursue an uncontested divorce, you can usually have it finalized by an attorney for a minimal cost.
#5 – Custody Concerns
Children can end up as collateral damage when their parents divorce. They are oftentimes used as pawns or messengers between the divorcing parties. Avoid putting your children in this situation.
Custody arrangements have changed dramatically over the last few decades. Today, custody is often referred to as “parenting time” where both parents share joint-legal custody. You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse may end up with a 60/40, 50/50, or some other parenting time split. Courts usually attempt to give both parents enough parenting time for each to have a significant impact in the lives of their children.
#6 – Keep Kids Out Of The Firing Line
Avoid projecting any resentments you have of your spouse onto your children. To them, you and your spouse are still “mom and dad.” If your spouse is less than magnanimous, your children will figure it out in the long run.
Consider this example:
There was a couple who, whenever their weekend visitation was over, had to park at the bottom of a hill. From there, they had to watch their son/step-son (Ernie) crawl under an electric gate and climb the hill to where his mother – who had full custody – lived. One day, as the couple waited for Ernie to make the long climb, their own four-year-old daughter in the back seat said to her three-year-old brother sitting next to her, “Ernie’s mother is a witch.”
Children usually figure things out on their own and early. When ending your marriage, do everything possible to keep your kids out of the fray. Refrain from speaking ill about your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
Deciding to seek a divorce can be daunting. There is a lot of uncertainty involved, which can make the decision extremely difficult. But for many couples, it is the only viable solution to their troubled relationships. Keep the above items in mind when choosing the course you intend to take.