People over 50 are increasingly seeking divorce. Two sociologists in Ohio reported on a surprising trend among couples that have been married for decades: a higher percentage than ever are calling it quits. According to research conducted by Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin, the rate doubled between 1990 and 2009.
The reasons for divorce among seniors vary. In many cases, the decision can be traced to both spouses simply becoming disconnected from one another. Over the course of 30 or 40 years together, they drift apart.
Although splitting up is always difficult, doing so after several decades of marriage is even more so. Below, we’ll address some of the issues that typically surface. If you and your longtime spouse are thinking of going your separate ways, the following discussion will help you to prepare for the process.
Telling Your Kids About Your Pending Divorce
Children of divorcing seniors are oftentimes caught off-guard by their parents’ decision. Even if the marriage has been immersed in turmoil for many years, the couple’s adult children may be oblivious to it or in denial. Whichever the case, they rarely suspect divorce is an option.
It’s important to broach the issue gently with your kids. Even in adulthood, their sense of security may be entwined with their parents’ marriage (happy or otherwise). The realization that the marriage is doomed can be devastating to them.
Your kids will likely have questions. Here discretion is key; no good will come from speaking poorly about the other parent. Try to provide reasonable answers without delving too deeply into the specifics.
Dealing With Feelings Of Loneliness
Isolation is a common feeling many divorcees report after ending their marriages. They feel cut off from others, causing them to feel increasing loneliness. A contributing factor is that many divorced seniors lack support networks. A majority of the people they know, most of whom they’re likely to only see on occasion anyway, are friends of both themselves and their ex-spouses. Contact with them is usually limited.
Socializing with others will become more important than ever following your divorce. The company of friends and loved ones can be therapeutic, helping to keep loneliness at bay. Bolster your existing relationships, and be open to forging new ones. Once you’re living on your own, those relationships will become increasingly valuable.
Splitting Assets (Including The Family Home)
A married couple might accumulate substantial assets after 30 or 40 years of marriage. They’ll likely have a larger retirement portfolio than a couple that has only been married a few years. They might own multiple homes, vehicles, and other property. In addition, by the time they split up, they may have moved into a much bigger house than they owned decades earlier.
Creating a settlement agreement that divides these assets in a way that is acceptable to both parties can become problematic. That’s particularly true if both spouses are emotionally invested in the same asset, such as the family home.
It’s important that both parties remain practical about which assets to keep and which to relinquish to the other person (or which to sell). Doing so allows the settlement negotiations to proceed smoothly and as quickly as possible. Assets that cannot be split or sold quickly (e.g. a rental property) can be placed into a trust with the terms of the trust addressed in the settlement.
Don’t Underestimate The Cost Of Single Life
Many older divorcees miscalculate the cost of living alone following their divorce. Oftentimes, one of the spouses must pay to maintain both households. That alone can create a financial burden. Even if both parties agree to pay their own bills, the cost of living separately is likely to be higher than half the cost of living under the same roof.
Creating an accurate budget is critical since costs tend to rise in one’s senior years. Underestimating the cost of living after divorce can have disastrous results.
Getting divorced after the age of 50 is a major decision that will shape the rest of your life. Be sure to consult an experienced divorce attorney who can answer your questions and offer personalized advice based on your unique circumstances.