When trouble surfaces in a marriage, from a random argument to hiding things from each other, the natural tendency is to resolve the underlying issue and move on. The relationship is usually considered too important to abandon. Even when big problems emerge, such as infidelity, many people prefer to “work things out” rather than split up.
But oftentimes, the signs of an imploding marriage are impossible to ignore. One or both partners realize the relationship is headed over a cliff, and there’s no way to turn things around. At that point, it’s time to consider getting a divorce. Staying together merely prolongs the inevitable breakup.
Below, we’ll discuss 5 signs that indicate your marriage may be doomed. If you only notice one or two of them, your relationship may be salvageable. But trouble is likely looming if you notice three or more.
#1 – Life On Your Own Has Constant Appeal
Thinking of what life might be like if you were single is natural. Anyone who is married has had such thoughts. We tend to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
But if you find yourself fantasizing often about being on your own, evaluate your marriage. There’s likely something causing you to return to that fantasy. If you neglect the problem, expect it to grow until it overshadows everything else.
#2 – Periods Of Intimacy Are Rare
It’s common for couples to go through periods without sex. Sometimes, one partner wants it while the other one doesn’t. Other times, neither partner wants it due to a tiring day, exhausting week, or high levels of stress at the workplace. It’s natural.
But extended periods during which intimacy is lacking could signal trouble. And if intimacy between you and your spouse is rare, it may be a sign that the relationship is running on fumes.
#3 – You’re Thinking About Someone Else
Many couples are happily married even though both spouses occasionally fantasize about being with other people (typically celebrities). In fact, some psychologists claim that having such thoughts is even healthy for a relationship.
But that’s a long way from continuously thinking about being with a particular individual. That type of mental wandering is a red flag that things are less than outstanding at home. For many couples, such thoughts are the prelude to having an affair.
#4 – You’re Keeping A Lot Of Secrets
Some married couples tell each other everything. There are no secrets between the partners. Each spouse knows every shocking detail about the other’s life. By most accounts, that’s a healthy way for couples to connect and bond.
Other couples tell each other nearly everything. They might keep small bits of information to themselves, such as who they dated in college or embarrassing experiences they’ve had. This too can define a healthy relationship.
Then, there are couples who keep a startling number of secrets from each other. For example, one partner may hide the fact that she’s been talking to an ex on Facebook. The other might hide his gambling addiction. This spells trouble – the type that often leads to divorce.
#5 – Fighting Has Replaced Talking
An occasional argument is natural. Each spouse has unique ideas, different ways to solve problems, and varied approaches to communication. Additionally, both make mistakes. The important thing is talking about problems and working together to resolve them.
Unfortunately, a lot of couples suffer a communication breakdown. When problems surface, they don’t try to resolve them through talking. Instead, they fight, often bringing up grievances that have little to do with the issue that triggered the confrontation.
If you and your partner are fighting more than talking, it’s time to take a hard look at the reasons. Is one person always defensive? If so, why? Are you or your spouse always attacking the other’s character? If so, why? Try to uncover the underlying issues. If you’re unable to resolve them, it may be time to call it quits. Otherwise, things will only worsen.
Getting a divorce may be one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make. You chose to spend your life with your spouse, and are now considering going your separate ways. But some relationships reach the point where staying together only guarantees continued misery on both sides.