Let’s suppose you’ve decided to divorce your spouse. The decision didn’t come to you easily. You tried time and again to work things out in a rational manner through one-on-one communication. When that failed, you persuaded your partner to join you for marriage counseling. When that too failed to produce results, you tried laying low and waiting for things to blow over. But the fighting continued and the resentment only grew.
After long and thoughtful consideration, you finally conceded that your marriage was dead and there was no hope of resuscitating it. That’s when divorce went from being a last resort to being the only viable option.
With the decision made, all that remains is negotiating a settlement and filing the proper documents with the court. Unfortunately, this is where things often become heated. Several issues emerge during this phase of the divorce process that can invoke anger, sadness, and despair for one or both spouses. To prepare you, we’ll describe 4 such hot-button issues below.
#1 – Child Custody
If you and your spouse have children, you’ll need to negotiate custody rights and visitation privileges. These issues can cause major problems if both of you disagree. For example, do you want your kids to live with you or your spouse? Are you willing to share joint custody where each of you has an equal amount of time with your kids and an equal say in their upbringing?
If your kids are going to live with you, will your spouse be able to visit them whenever he or she would like? Will the visitation privileges be limited or supervised? What if you or your spouse moves out of state? How will this affect custody?
Also, keep in mind that divorce courts often dictate with whom young children live after a divorce. You and your spouse might agree on the details, but have them overridden by the judge if he or she believes the kids’ interests will be poorly-served.
#2 – Child Support
Child support is another hot-button issue in divorce proceedings. Oftentimes, the individual ordered by the court to pay child support feels the amount is too high or the funds will be misused by the receiving party. Meanwhile, the receiving spouse often feels the amount is too low and may wonder whether payments will be made on time in the first place.
#3 – Spousal Support
Many of the issues that surface with child support also surface when discussing alimony. Alimony reflect payments made by one spouse to the other for the purpose of financial support. There are several types.
For example, payments may be ordered for a set period of time to allow the receiving party to become financially self-sufficient. Or, they may be ordered on a permanent basis if the receiving spouse has little hope of obtaining a job or earning income.
The party ordered to make the payments often feels the amount calculated is too high. The receiving party often feels it is too low. The issue becomes even more complicated if the paying spouse receives a raise, takes a higher-paying job, or loses his or her job.
#4 – Splitting Property And Debts
The division of marital assets between divorcing spouses is a common area of conflict. One party may feel as if he or she is receiving much less than is appropriate. Or, one spouse might feel that he is entitled to keep a specific item coveted by both parties (e.g. a family heirloom). Or, the couple might disagree on what to do with the family home; one person might want to sell it and split the proceeds while the other might want to keep it.
The couple’s debts also need to be divided. Here too, there is often disagreement, particularly if one of the partners is responsible for the bulk of the debt. For example, if both spouses’ names are on a credit card used by only one person, the other person may feel that splitting the balance down the middle is unfair.
There are, of course, many other issues that arise during a divorce. But the four we’ve covered above tend to cause the biggest quarrels. Even the most amiable couple might find themselves arguing about them. But knowing what to expect ahead of time can help you sidestep unproductive disputes when it’s time to negotiate a settlement.