Divorce is one of the most difficult events in a person’s life. Apart from the legal and financial issues that need to be addressed, strong emotions often surface. The experience is different for every person. Some individuals feel a sense of freedom as the stress that accumulated during their marriages and throughout the divorce process suddenly dissipates. Others are filled with grief, anger, and shame as they battle with persistent feelings of abandonment and betrayal.
Many people are prepared for the emotions that emerge during and after the divorce process. Other individuals are caught completely off-guard, which prevents them from getting their lives back on track. This article will examine some of the emotions that materialize during and after a divorce along with the factors that provoke them. Our goal is to help you prepare for the feelings you might experience down the road.
Shame At Failing To Live Up To Marital Promises
Many people getting divorced feel ashamed that they were unable to remain married. The feeling may stem from a number of factors. They may have been raised with the idea that marriage is a lifelong commitment, and failing to stay with a spouse is akin to breaking that commitment.
Other individuals believe society looks down upon people who end their marriages. Their shame stems from a failure to meet perceived societal expectations. A few generations ago, this was indeed the case. Today, with the divorce rate so high, a majority of people know at least one or two others who have ended their marriages.
Stress And Fear About The Future
It’s common for those going through a divorce to be fearful about the future. This is particularly true for women who have stayed at home and cared for their children while their husbands worked and provided the bulk of the household income. After getting divorced, these women may need to rely on child and spousal support. This can provoke a high level of stress and fear.
In addition, many people dread the feelings of loneliness that inevitably surface after dissolving a marriage. These feelings may be especially pronounced when infidelity was a factor in the divorce.
Stress can arise quickly when speaking to an ex-spouse, particularly about subjects on which both parties disagree. It is a natural response to a situation that has proven unpleasant or painful in the past.
Grief Over The Death Of The Relationship
Many divorcing couples experience a powerful sense of loss when they finally go their separate ways. As a general rule, the more time people are married, the greater their feelings of sadness at ending their marriages.
The feelings are similar to those that accompany grief when a loved one dies. The divorce is initially difficult for the individual to accept. A deep sense of bleakness often sets in. Eventually, the person is able to accept what happened, and start rebuilding his or her life. This is the point at which the healing process truly begins.
Anger About The Other Party’s Selfishness
Feelings of anger and resentment toward one’s soon-to-be ex-spouse are very common during the divorce process, and oftentimes for years afterward. Small annoyances can quickly escalate into major sources of outrage. When things go wrong, regardless of how trivial, a divorced individual might immediately blame his or her ex-spouse.
For example, if one party is a few minutes late in dropping off their children, the other party may respond with indignation. If the car breaks down, the fault is immediately placed on the other person, even if there is little reason to do so. The assumption is that things go wrong because the other party is selfish or purposefully trying to sabotage the individual.
The feelings of anger that emerge during and after a divorce generally dissipate with time. It is helpful to find productive outlets, such as exercise, through which stress and irritation can be channeled.
Acceptance Of The Inevitable End Of The Marriage
Most divorced individuals eventually reach a point at which they accept the fact that they are no longer married to their ex-spouses. They realize their lives must go on without them.
There may still be residual feelings of fear and anger, but these feelings will become much less pronounced with time. In addition, feelings of grief and shame are usually all but forgotten. Having said that, many people still feel a twinge of sadness when they think about their failed marriages.
The emotions that arise during and after the divorce process affect every person differently. The most important thing to remember is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The negative emotions will slowly disappear. The key is to be prepared for those you might experience along the way.