Adultery and divorce are common bedfellows. When one partner cheats on the other, the betrayal usually leads to the end of their marriage. To them, the affair is considered to be unforgivable, a sign that the cheater can never again be trusted.
Some couples, however, take a different route. They stay married and manage to successfully put the affair behind them.
If your spouse has been unfaithful, you may be wondering whether your marriage can be salvaged. It depends on you and what you want from the relationship. Below, we’ll help you to decide whether your marriage is worth saving and if it is, how to confront your spouse about his or her affair. If you decide that you can no longer trust your partner, it may be time to contact a divorce lawyer.
Signs That Your Spouse Is Having An Affair
You might suspect that your partner is having an affair, but haven’t yet confirmed it. If that’s the case, there are numerous warning signs to watch for.
Pay attention to changes in your spouse’s behavior. For example, is he or she spending more time alone than normal? Is your partner working more hours or going to the office on weekends?
Also, stay alert for evidence that your wife or husband is maintaining a relationship with someone who is unfamiliar to you. Look for strange phone numbers on your phone bills. Make a note of strange text messages and emails. If your spouse is spending an inordinate amount of time on social networking sites, it’s possible that he or she is carrying on an extramarital relationship with an old flame. Are you coming across strange receipts from restaurants or department stores? They too can present a red flag.
How To Confront Your Spouse About The Affair
If your partner is having an affair, he or she already realizes that doing so is wrong. To avoid prompting a defensive response (denial, anger, etc.), it’s important to confront him or her calmly and directly. Don’t beat around the bush, hinting at the prospect of infidelity. If you have noticed signs of an affair – e.g. lipstick on the collar or receipts for gifts – ask your partner to explain them.
Don’t confront your husband or wife in anger. The goal is to uncover the truth, not to spur an argument. Once you’ve confirmed your spouse’s infidelity, you can decide what to do about it.
Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?
A lot of people whose spouses have cheated immediately look for reasons to stay in their marriages. It’s as if they have a an aversion to doing anything that might disrupt the status quo.
But it’s also important to look for reasons to call it quits. Only then can you weigh the pros and cons of staying in your marriage given your goals.
First, identify the ways in which your marriage is meeting your needs. You may discover that the relationship you have with your partner is contributing little to your happiness.
Second, identify the needs that you want your partner to meet. You might find that the things you thought were important are, fact, irrelevant to you.
Third, are you willing to forgive your spouse for his or her infidelity? Many people assume they should forgive their partners for their extramarital escapades when they are naturally averse to doing so.
Not all marriages are worth saving. Sometimes, a spouse’s affair brings to light serious, unrelated issues that have been suppressed. Those issues, previously ignored, may have spelled the end of the relationship prior to the affair.
Should You File For Divorce?
You’ll eventually need to decide whether to continue your marriage or seek a divorce. If you’re willing to forgive your partner and try to get past his or her extramarital activities, you may be able to save the relationship. Doing so will require considerable time to heal and rebuild the trust you once had in your partner. It can take years.
On the other hand, suppose you’re unwilling to pardon your spouse’s indiscretion. Additionally, his or her betrayal has made you realize that your marriage hasn’t been meeting your needs for a long time. In that case, divorce may be the best option. Consult an experienced divorce attorney for advice should you decide to travel down that path.